CALCULATED BY KHALID STRICKLAND a.k.a. BLACK PACINO
With our favorite rappers getting arrested, robbed and sentenced to jail on a daily basis, it’s hard to keep up with who’s earning or losing street cred. Like the stock market, the value of street cred rises and falls. Plies for instance, lost cred when he hid from goons in a bathroom at his video shoot. On the contrary, Lil’ Boosie’s street cred went through the roof when his initial one-year prison sentence quadrupled into the length of a Presidential term due to parole violations.
But how do we calculate the value of such a priceless commodity? I propose a “point system.” From now on, rappers will tally a certain amount of points based on their stupid… uh, I mean strategic methods of reinforcing credibility. By the same token they will lose points for doing things that tarnish a gangsta’s resume; like taking a stand on politics, exposing the downside of drug dealing and other lame shit.
Below the jump, I’ve devised a foolproof system that will change the Hip-Hop game forever…
GOING TO JAIL-500 points per month served
Getting locked up is the fastest and most popular way to ratchet up street cred. A lot of rappers end up doing skid bids so the amount of points they receive should be on a monthly basis. The points will be doubled if the rapper is incarcerated at the peak of their career. Life sentences will earn infinite points and transcend the rapper to Pope-like status. Hopefully their security will be better than his, or they may get shanked.
MURDER-500,000 points per body
Catchin’ a body is the proverbial jackpot for street cred. Getting sentenced to death row like Cool C (a pioneer who killed people before it was trendy) will not only earn the rapper an extra 1 million points, but also earn them a hallowed place in The Street Cred Hall of Fame.
Accidental murder, like the kind that results from drunk driving, is only worth 100 points. Sorry, Ras Kass… it ain’t exciting enough. Even the Justice system views it as petty crime: most drunk drivers only serve a year in jail for vehicular homicide. Booooooring!!
SNITCHIN-Minus 1 million points
Giving information to the authorities is the exact opposite of murder; it’s the cardinal sin of street cred. A rapper may know who fired the stray bullet that killed grandma, but if he wants to keep those coveted points he’d best plead the fifth.
After getting caught red-handed with an arsenal of illegal guns, T.I. was granted early release for an already light jail sentence. Usually this reeks of snitchin’ but T.I. is so popular that most people don’t believe he’s a Total Informant, despite the fact that:
1. He’s a convicted felon with mad priors, not to mention a rapper.
2. It’s hard to believe that the Feds, who have a 98% conviction rate, would make themselves look lenient and soft without getting something in return.
3. Other than O.J., the Justice System has never worked in favor of black people.
4. He did P.A.’s and school visits, but does anyone really believe the Feds care about shit like that?
5. He has great lawyers and lots of money but so did Martha Stewart, Plaxico Burress, Michael Vick, yada yada yada.
However there have been no T.I. parodies, ala Rick Ross, circulating on YouTube. But I won’t spread propaganda about T.I., he’s a brilliant artist. Maino, an authentic and respected street dude, doesn’t believe that The King snitched. So that’s good enough for me. Let’s give The Tipster his points for jail and move on.
GANG AFFILIATION-2,000 points for joining, 500 points per year thereafter
This tactic nearly backfired on Lil’ Wayne when a REAL gang member, 40 Glocc, rolled up with an army of Crips and confronted Weezy (who hid in his bulletproof SUV).
Not to mention that actual Bloods, including gang founder T. Rodgers, have dissed the millionaire rapper as a phony.
Still, to impressionable youth, it’s all about perception. Those who buy into Wayne’s unnecessary and counterfeit affiliation will grant him the points he needs to balloon his street cred. Even NYC rappers have gotten in on the fun by claiming sets that didn’t exist until yesterday. They’re accepting applications.
Sidebar: It was 40 Glocc and his goons who also scared Plies so shitless that he stripped off his jewelry and hid in a bathroom, according to Jamie Foxx. 40 Glocc is like the gangsta rap police, roundin’ up fake niggas.
BUSTIN’ CAPS-5,000 points initially, plus an additional 2,500 points per victim
Plenty of rappers claim to bust their guns in songs. But how many of them actually do it? Not many. That’s why trigger-happy artists deserve a hefty amount of street-cred points. Double the amount if the clappin’ takes place at the height of their careers. Triple the amount if the shootout is over some bullshit. Quadruple the amount if the rapper has children: Real G’s put their parental duties on the back burner… right next to the Pyrex.
LYING ABOUT ONE’S PAST.-Minus 5,000 points
Most rappers spice up their drug lord pasts. But when it turns out that a supposed kingpin not only worked as a Corrections Officer, but flat-out lied about it, cred points must be deducted. However, Rick Ross is proof that good music can still be a saving grace. Lesser artists may have been finished after a scandal like his. But Ross has a great ear for beats and his lyrics seemingly improve with each song, so people still fucks with his music. One of the best things to come from C.O. scandal is the hilarious Rick Ross-impersonator…
Now the rapper Rick Ross knows what it feels like to be impersonated; sort of like how the real O.G. “Freeway” Ricky Ross must feel. Karma’s a bitch.
GETTING SHOT-Plus 1,500 points per entry wound.
Logic would dictate that the person who got shot is actually a victim. But in the Bizarro World of Hip-Hop, where up is down, black is white and men wear women’s jeans, the shot person is a victor. Cred points soar through the roof… that’s why many rappers find ways to get shot or even resort to shooting themselves. To those planning a self-inflicted attack, it’s best to make like Mark McGwire and take a shot in the ass.
Additional Stats
GETTING ROBBED-Minus 1,000 points per stolen item. Triple the points if they cry while being juxed.
GETTING SLAPPED-Minus 2,000 points per slap. Double the points if it’s with a backhand.
SELLING DRUGS-*CRACK: 10 points per rock *COKE: 500 points per kilo *WEED: 100 points per pound *ECSTACY: 1 point per pill *BOOTLEG MOONSHINE: 5 points per jelly jar
EARNING A COLLEGE DEGREE (OUTSIDE OF JAIL)-Minus 2,500 points for Associate’s. Double the points for Bachelor’s.
Hello,
How much points can MC Hitler a.k.a. Adolf Hitler get ?
Thnak you.
LOL! Good question, Kaoru.
Since most of the entertainment industry is owned by Jews, MC Hitler can’t get a record deal. He’d be blackballed from the industry, I’m sure. But genocide is widespread murder so I think he should get 500-billion street cred points. If you consider the Nazi Party as a gang, he’d get an extra 10,000 points since he has Triple-O.G. status.
BP, I love and aggree with this statement,
Most rapper are as fake as Britney Spears dance moves.
Gangsters don’t rap, they kill and get killed.
To bad being smart won’t cut it in the rap game.
99% OF THE RAPPERS OUT THERE WOULD BE IN THE MINUS SECTION . HAHAHAHAHA
LOL!
You’re a lil’ off the mark, Cloudz.
Actually, 99.9% would be in the minus section.
99 and three-fourths, if you wanna get surgical with it.
I got more Street cred then any rapper . Plus so do you Black Pacino and we are not Rappers. WORD UP YOOOOOO ! Funny thing too I live in a white Neighbor Hood.
LMAO!!!
“Funny thing too I live in a white Neighbor Hood.”
So do most of these rappers. But they don’t live in a tough white ‘hood like Bensonhurst, parts of Alabama and various other areas. They live in Beverly Hills or some suburban-ass gated community with security dogs. Still rappin’ that ghetto shit while they sip Chardonnay & eat cheese.
this is one of your best and informative blogs well researched and excellently executed…. hip hop goons is my second favorite of your blog this one is my favorite… i dont know if its well thought or if you jogged my nostalgia with cool c but you got this off…. this blog is ruby approved
And if it’s Ruby Approved, then it’s official.
When we read the hip-hop websites from now on, let’s keep our calculators handy. Then we can tally up street cred for our favorite emcees much quicker.
Lemme go over to SOHH & check out who went to jail today. That’s pretty much the only kind of news they have over there…
Hello again,
Yes, you are right that
>entertainment industry is owned by Jews, MC Hitler can’t get a record deal.
So he had to start from the street and Jews got steal and get bargain again.
History repeats itself….
You’re right, my friend. History does repeat itself.
Hopefully, that will happen with hip-hop. In the beginning, rap was full of artists wearing crazy, tight-looking clothes and doing simple rhymes. Sound familiar? Then Run-DMC came along wearing the kind of gear we wore in the hood everyday, instead of some wild-lookin’ shit. Then Rakim & Kool G. Rap & Kane stepped up the lyrics to even higher levels. Maybe that will happen again in the near future.
But one big difference was that even though they had on tight clothes & crazy-lookin’ jackets & stuff, the old-school rappers from the Bronx were hardcore in real life. Many were real gang members… the Zulu Nation was made up of reformed gang members. And they actually had something to say, like Melle Mel with the message.
Most of these guys now rap about nothing.
I always enjoy your writings Black shit you need a podcast my dude. Now the truth is, that’s what killed hiphop the wanna be gangsta’s tryna rep on record and internet till it became a parody as such. I grew up in the hood and in the burbs and some of those younguns had to be taught not to speak what you haven’t experienced-even ones from the hood who never banged nor hustled some barely sold their own mixtapes, before getting a deal when it mattered. HA! the truth is the gangsters in the music business is the company head who owns these dudes souls on contract- which the value for it has depreciated…
You’re on-point with that, Diz.
The record label execs are the true gangsters… and sometimes in more than a figurative sense. I’m sure you’ve read the book “Hit Men.” A lot of the execs up top had real Mafia connects & kicked back money to the Mob. They beat up each other’s artists & stuff… but it was on the L. Never public the way these niggaz air out all they bizness on WorldStarHipHop. Prolly still the case now.
And of course, on a “paper gangster” level they have these so-called tough-guy rappers bound to slave contracts. They’re the people the gangsta rappers never seem to go after… except for Freddie Foxxx. But that’s cuz he’s a real nigga. And yes, rap is a parody of itself now. Just when it was building up credibility as a respectable & potent art-form, lame niggaz tear down everything that Rakim, P.E., NWA, Nas and so many other true artists built.
I’m glad you dug the post & I always appreciate your valuable input, Mr. Diz.
I see you up there, Inkyspot.
“Most rapper are as fake as Britney Spears dance moves. Gangsters don’t rap, they kill and get killed.”
That’s right, bruh. Most o’ these niggaz are as fake as Marv Albert’s hairpiece (which I think is attached to his headphones, by the way).
You know rap is crazy when being smart is actually a drawback. Niggaz hide their intelligence from fans like crack from the cops.
“Yo, somebody’s comin’! Hurry up and put them books away!”