WORDS BY BLACK PACINO
PHOTOS BY SUNDIATA ACREE
“My hat is like a shark’s fin…”-LL Cool J
I’ve got more dues to pay before I’m King of the Blogsphere. In the meantime, artist James Kemp of Harlem Universe made a customized crown just for me. Harlem Universe specializes in detailed embroidery on custom hats called “FitHits.”
The Spizzy fitted cap is a testament to Mr. Kemp’s creative skill; the stitching of my logo is finely-crafted and durable. ‘Nuff respect to Tyson Scott of the multifaceted Team Tyson... Mr. Scott is co-owner of Harlem Universe and suggested making this special headgear. I’m very impressed with the results. In fact, I am now using Mr. Kemp’s jazzed-up Spizzy logo as this blog’s header.
Now let’s get on with today’s sermon…
Predators make the world a better place… and I don’t mean the pedophiles caught by Chris Hansen on TV. By killing their prey, regulators at the top of the food chain prevent overpopulation; an age-old system of checks & balances called “natural order.”
This relates to the blogsphere as well. Everyone thinks the internet has an infinite amount of storage space but that ain’t true. Once bandwidth reaches its maximum capacity, the information grid will collapse and the worldwide web will “brown-out” indefinitely.
Unplugged from the Matrix, people will curl into fetal position and quiver on the floor like headless zombies. Computer friendships will come to an abrupt end. Porn fanatics who dumped their DVDs in favor of free tube sites will lose their favorite jack-off material.
It’ll be ugly.
A major reason for this overflow are thousands of wack, useless blogs squatting on valuable internet real estate. They clog up the information pipeline like cyber-turds and add nothing to the equation.
Most recycle the same shit over and over… if you’ve seen one hip-hop or eye-candy blog, you’ve damn near seen ‘em all. The stability of the internet is all fucked-up because worthless sites are overpopulating.
That’s where I come in.
I’m a predator… a professional cleaner like Leon the Italian hitman. The Spizzy makes other blogs look ordinary. Each post is a nail in the coffin of these uncreative-ass niggaz. These lames will realize they can’t compare and do the honorable thing.
This Harlem Universe fitted is my samurai helmet. The laptop is strapped to my back like a katana. When I unsheathe it, inferior sites commit harakiri and delete themselves from existence.
So continue to do your part, my friends. Keep visiting The Spizzy… leave your colorful comments, re-post our links and spread the religion. Together, we will restore natural order.
Roll end credits.
Links of interest: