The Serial Butt Slasher Must Be Stopped

In case you didn’t hear, there’s a guy slashing women on their buttocks with a knife or boxcutter in Fairfax, Virginia. Since February, this scumbag has attacked at least five women and he’s still on the loose. The serial slasher’s first victim, 20 years old and visibly pregnant, recently spoke about her attack. Here is an excerpt from NBC Washington:

“I’m pushing the door open, and then all of sudden, he’s right there behind me, and I felt a pinch on my bottom and I thought he just grabbed me and I was like, ‘Hey, you just cut my leggings,’ and he was like, ‘No, no, no. It was my bag.’ He was carrying a little, yellow bag,” the victim said.

When she touched the wound, her hand became covered in blood.

Since then, similar attacks on women have occurred at the Marshall’s in the Greenbriar Shopping Center, the H&M at Tysons Corner and on two other occasions at Fair Oaks Mall. In the most recent attack, an 18-year-old woman was in Forever 21 at the Fair Oaks Mall at 5:30 p.m. Monday when clothing fell over and felt a sharp pain in her butt. It took a moment for her to realize she’d be cut through her denim shorts with a box cutter or a razor.

In each attack, the victims have been women in their late teens or early 20s. Usually, the slashing follows some sort of distraction, and the attacker calmly walks away without creating a scene and before anyone realizes what happened. Once a woman was walking in an open area of a mall when she was bumped and slashed.

The best defense against the serial butt slasher is to be aware of your surroundings, report suspicious people immediately and, if possible, don’t shop alone. According to Fairfax police, the suspect is described as Hispanic, in his late 20s, approximately 5-foot-6 in height and heavyset.

A woman’s ass is for squeezing, not slashing. Leave it to this wacko and we’ll see nuthin’ but stitched-up asses at Virginia Beach this summer. To hell with that “Stop Snitchin” shit; let the pigs know if you see this bastard…

An enemy of women’s butts is an enemy of Black Pacino. Therefore, I’m traveling to Virginia on some vigilante shit. I’ll find this guy and give him a taste of street justice. Since the police have been inept thus far, it’s my duty to protect the booty.

If the cops do get a hold of this dude before me, his punishment must befit the crime. A good ol’ Singapore-style caning should do the trick.

If caning isn’t an option, the electric chair will suffice.

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