Angry Farmer Crushes 7 Police Cars With Tractor

It’s always cause for celebration when the police suffer a crushing loss… literally, in this case.

The Spizzy’s Person of the Week is Roger Pion, a farmer from Newport, Vermont. Mr. Pion was pissed-off about his arrest for marijuana possession last month, so he drove a tractor to the Orleans County Sheriff’s Department and steamrolled seven vehicles in their parking lot.  Before he has finally apprehended, Pion managed to destroy five marked cruisers, one unmarked car and a transport van… leaving more than $300,000 worth of damages in his wake.

No pigs were hurt in this incident but I still take my hat off to Mr. Pion for a job well done.  Here are the gory details from ABC News:

Orleans County police say 34-year-old Roger Pion, of Newport, Vt., drove a red tractor over seven vehicles in the parking lot of the county’s Sheriff’s Department Thursday afternoon, flattening their quest to apprehend the suspect.

Police inside the department’s office were unaware of the destruction happening outside until they received a 911 call and heard a horn blaring outside, Chief Deputy Philip Brooks told the Burlington Free Press.  Left with no cars, Brooks had to run to a nearby service station where another car was being worked on to try to catch Pion.

“We had nothing to pursue him with,” Brooks told the paper. “It’s more than half our fleet. We have 11 cars.”

Pion was caught by authorities from the rural city’s police department about one mile from the Sheriff’s office and arrested on 11 charges.  He is being held at the Northern State Correctional Center in Newport on $15,000 bail.

He is expected in court today to face seven counts of felony unlawful mischief, one misdemeanor count of unlawful mischief on suspicion of damaging the cars, one charge of leaving the scene of an accident, one count of grossly negligent operation and aggravated assault on Newport City police after he allegedly tried to back the tractor into a city cruiser while being pursued.

“We’re going to have to get the jaws of life up here to pry the trunks open and see about the rifles and shotguns,” Sheriff Kirk Martin told the Associated Press.  “The radios are ruined.”

If I had 15K on hand, I’d pay this dude’s bail and smoke some Kush with him.  In case you haven’t heard, cops are even beating up white people these days, so I’m pretty sure Mr. Pion received a good ass-whuppin’ for his act of rebellion.  Makes him a hero in my book.

There’s plenty of laughs in this story but the funniest part is that the pigs “were unaware of the destruction happening outside until they received a 911 call.”  That’s some real Keystone Cop shit right there.  How could you not hear a two-ton tractor crushing a bunch of cars in your parking lot? The sound of metal crunching, glass breaking and blaring car alarms would catch the ears of  most people.

Who’s in charge of the Newport City police, Chief Wiggum?