The Coon Squad

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In our capitalistic society, money absolves any kind of ridiculous and deplorable behavior.  This is fertile ground for coonery, so every day some rich black person willingly shucks & jives in public while dead civil rights activists do windmills in their graves.  Don’t get me wrong, coonery can be entertaining in doses… a lil’ Flavor of Love here, a lil’ Meet the Browns there…. shit, I even listen to Trinidad James every now and then.

But during the past seven days, the needle on my Coon-O-Meter snapped from nuclear levels.  Felt almost like the 1930’s all over again. It was particularly hard to choose “Coon of the Week” with so many qualified candidates, so I’m going to salute the Top 3 right here and now.

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ADRIAN BRONER

Boxer Adrian Broner rolls with Floyd Mayweather’s “Money Team,” so Tomfoolery is to be expected.  Still, no one could have imagined that to show-off his newfound wealth, Broner would flush a stack of $20 bills down the toilet in a YouTube video.  Seriously.  This nigga said: “I don’t take change back cause I don’t carry other bills. If ain’t Benjamin or Franklin or Benjamin Franklin, I ain’t carryin’ that!” I guess donating those 20’s to his favorite charity isn’t niggerish enough for prime time.  This wasn’t as retarded as Rick Ross burning a brick of Benjamins and lighting his blunt with it, but it’s close.

Seems that Broner is trying to impress his big brother “Money” Mayweather.  Once upon a time, ex-Boston Celtic Antoine Walker was signed to Nike’s Jordan Brand and tried to ball with Michael Jordan in the nightclubs.  Antoine foolishly attempted to go “champagne bottle for champagne bottle” with Jordan.  Thing is, Jordan’s paper was infinitely longer than Antoine’s…. which is part of the reason why Antoine is now dead-broke after blowing $110 million. Broner should chew on that along with his watermelon rind.

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SOULJA BOY

When it comes to blatant acts of coonery, Soulja Boy is a repeat offender.  His rap sheet is much too long to list here; this Stepin Fetchit-ass nigga requires a post of his own.  Right after fellow coon Lil’ Wayne got out of the hospital for supposedly drug-induced seizures, Soulja Boy posted Instagram pics of his codeine and marijuana stash (shown in the photo above) for the world to see.  Aside from proving how blissfully ignorant he is, this nigga is gonna shuck and jive his way right into jail.  If so, I hope the judge sentences his monkey-ass to pick cotton in a real hot Southern state, wearing a skully and sheepskin coat.

By the way, I don’t think Lil’ Wayne had a seizure because of drugs… I think the ghost of Emmett Till got revenge on Wayne for pissin’ on his grave.

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BIRDMAN

Cash Money Records CEO Birdman is another usual suspect in the coon lineup but this time he topped himself.  In addition to the big red star tatted on top of his head, Birdman just got Trufkit and GTV logos tattooed on his face.  GTV is the name of his new vodka brand and Trufkit is Lil’ Wayne’s clothing line.  Keep in mind that dude is a 40+ year old  mutli-millionaire.  Somebody in RealTalkNY’s comment box hit the nail right on the head with this pearl of wisdom:

“i wonder if he ever stop to realize that these brands are temporary. trukfit aint gonna be out there like gucci or whatever for soooo many years, it could fall off hard like gunit clothing did.  imagine for one second if u will, LL COOL J walking round wit fubu tatted on his face?”

Couldn’t have said it better myself.  Birdman is rich enough to do whatever he wants with his cash.  It’s not like he’s gonna be applying for jobs in the near future… but he’s still a fuckin buffoon.  You know why Birdman had to lie about having part ownership of the Miami Dolphins? Because he wants to compete with Jay-Z.  However, he’s not in Jay’s class… and nigger shit like this is the reason why. No sports team owner in his right mind will give shares to an ignorant black dude with facial tattoos and alleged gang ties, even if he is a millionaire.  Walking around with $10,000 stuffed in a Louie Vuitton bag might impress your average hood dweller, but it makes white billionaires laugh like they’re watching a clown at the circus.  Birdman is too arrogant to realize that his coonery might be the only thing stopping him from reaching the billion-dollar status he so desperately craves.

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